if we go down, we go down together.

I'm sitting here at work, doing nothing. This has got to be one of the most painfully boring days of the past year of my life. I haven't wanted to be here since I got here, and I've made it pretty clear. I'm sick and I want to go to sleep, but I'm not allowed to take a day off because Katie is pregnant and can't ever stay at work for a full day.
I haven't moved much from my desk, other than when I went outside to give Will some money. I would rather just sit here and zone out into my own little world. I've been daydreaming of cars and new clothes, summer and sunshine...basically all the things I can't have right now. It's frustrating to me, beyond all belief, that I can't just go out and buy the things that I need right now. I'm going without because I just want to set aside some cash for a car. It doesn't even have to be a nice car. Just something that has four wheels, a roof, and a motor. Fuck, who even needs a roof. I'll just cover the top in Saran wrap.
I'm desparate for satisfaction. I just want to feel secure with what I have in life, and I absolutely don't. Working 40+ hour weeks just to make enough money to pay bills really isn't going to cut it. There's gotta be more somewhere. Something to make my heart jump. I want excitement and happiness, but at the same time I need to know that I'm absolutely, 100% safe in whatever situation surrounds me.

It's complicated, but really...what isn't?

I've been dancing on the tops of buildings.

I just wrote three or four big paragraphs and deleted them all.

I don't really know where to start, since it's been so long since I've blogged. I've moved once or twice, and my health has gone to shit. I guess once you start caring so much about another person, you don't have as much room in your heart for yourself. I went to the doctor today and I was given three prescriptions. Two were for something pre-existing, and the other was an antibiotic. I was prescribed Ambien since I haven't had a good night's sleep since about '94. I got the antibiotic because I have a beastly UTI. I've known for a few weeks that I've had a UTI, but I thought I could get rid of it on my own with cranberry juice and water. Not really a good plan. The doctor was kind of pissed at me.
I live with Will. I don't remember when I last blogged, so I have no idea if I've already said this, but whatever. Whatever is probably the last word a person should use while blogging. I'm such a non-conformist. Well, it's just the two of us (just the twooo of us/we can make it if we tryyy) in a really cute, clean apartment. We spend a lot of time watching movies and annoying the hell out of each other any way we can. It's more than I've ever dreamed of. I love every second that I spend with him and it's honestly nothing I thought I could ever feel. Okay, got the mushy stuff out of the way.
My job sucks a lot. I work overtime most weeks, because my supervisor is pregnant and really hates her job...and me. She thinks I'm going to be the one to get her position when she leaves, which I don't mind, as long as I get a raise and some damn good benefits. If that happens though, I'll be working like 5-10 more hours a week, which is really going to take a toll on my body, since I'm already falling apart.

I'm done now.
Have a nice second/minute/hour/day/night/week/month/year/life.