if we go down, we go down together.

I'm sitting here at work, doing nothing. This has got to be one of the most painfully boring days of the past year of my life. I haven't wanted to be here since I got here, and I've made it pretty clear. I'm sick and I want to go to sleep, but I'm not allowed to take a day off because Katie is pregnant and can't ever stay at work for a full day.
I haven't moved much from my desk, other than when I went outside to give Will some money. I would rather just sit here and zone out into my own little world. I've been daydreaming of cars and new clothes, summer and sunshine...basically all the things I can't have right now. It's frustrating to me, beyond all belief, that I can't just go out and buy the things that I need right now. I'm going without because I just want to set aside some cash for a car. It doesn't even have to be a nice car. Just something that has four wheels, a roof, and a motor. Fuck, who even needs a roof. I'll just cover the top in Saran wrap.
I'm desparate for satisfaction. I just want to feel secure with what I have in life, and I absolutely don't. Working 40+ hour weeks just to make enough money to pay bills really isn't going to cut it. There's gotta be more somewhere. Something to make my heart jump. I want excitement and happiness, but at the same time I need to know that I'm absolutely, 100% safe in whatever situation surrounds me.

It's complicated, but really...what isn't?