There has been one person in my life who I could say I may have been in love with. I know that I love him, but I have loved many boys. I have a big heart, and that's nothing I'm ashamed of. The way I felt about Chad was different than the way I've felt about any other boy, but it just wasn't meant to work. I was never good enough, he was never around at the right times. I've been through too much that has left me too emotional for someone as rock-fucking-solid as him. He loved another girl, and I'm sure that girl will always come before me, even if she's not around anymore. I've learned that I need to find someone who will accept me for what I am. I'm not always happy, I'm not always ready to do what's asked, and I'm not willing to change myself to fit someone else's mold. I've got a lot on my plate, and I will never be able to devote myself to another person the way I'm sure he would have wanted me to. We've had our ups and downs, and I'm done trying so hard just to get the same reaction.
Now that I've finally given up, he "loves" me. It's been a year of back and forth. I've tried to please him in countless different ways, and Chad will never be satisfied. I've loved him for entirely too long, but I know that I wont stop. I can push him away. I'll find happiness, I'm sure. I can't sit around hoping that someday I'll be perfect for him. Perfect doesn't exist anyway, so why should I try? I mean, it hurts to know that I've caused him pain, but I will never forget the way that he's made me feel in the past. To know that one of the people you care about most in your life could care less about you is definitely one of the shittiest feelings in the world. I'm done feeling that way. I want to be happy.
Well I can't regret, can't you just forget it?
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